


Shameless

by etacanis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Muggle AU, Muggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-03
Updated: 2012-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:06:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etacanis/pseuds/etacanis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To most people, it's not surprising that Teddy and James have an interesting take on the term 'bros before hoes' (not that James would ever call anyone a hoe. Lily would probably kill him). [a muggle AU].</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shameless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [herbeautifullie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbeautifullie/gifts).



> This was written for herbeautifullie as part of a valentines day gift exchange :) There's a corresponding fanmix/soundtrack that I made which can be found [here](http://moineau.dreamwidth.org/4646.html).

“James,” Teddy says, as soon as James picks up the phone. “Red alert. Red fucking alert.” James squints for a moment, glancing back towards his bedroom and the wide open door. “James, red alert,” Teddy repeats.

“She didn’t!” James leans back against his sofa, lets his head roll backwards and rest against the top. There’s a dark patch on his ceiling, vaguely in the shape of a dragon. That’s not good, right? That’s something he’s meant to yell at his landlord about, isn’t it? He should call his uncle, he thinks. Ron would probably know. “Seriously, Ted, she dumped you?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Teddy replies, with that hiss in his voice that James knows means he’d be round in ten minutes with two twelve packs and a packet of smoky barbecue kettle chips. He knows, because he’s been hearing that same damn hiss before Teddy stopped being the responsible older practically-a-brother and started getting James shitfaced at seventeen. “She fucking dumped me.”

“How very dare she,” James says. “See you in ten then, mate.”

“Five,” Teddy says, and hangs up. James squints up at the dark patch and wonders, for a moment, if Teddy would know if it was bad. Probably not. He still calls James’ uncle every time he needs something fixed too.

 

When James hears the lock on the front door click, he sits up and tries to put on his caring, concerned face.

“Just so you know, red alert is the code you’d use if you were getting laid on my bed,” James says, and hopes he at least sounds worried about Teddy’s state. “Pan-pan is for dumping.”

“What the fuck is pan-pan?” Teddy mutters, slumping onto the sofa and ditching the carrier bag he held in his hand onto the coffee table.

“It’s like mayday,” James replies, digging between the cushions of the sofa for the bottle opener. “But mayday means you’re probably going to die. That’s why we use it for bail calls, Ted.”

“What the fuck ever,” Teddy says, jabbing his elbow into James thigh. “You knew what I meant. Give me a bloody beer.”

♥

“How are you still here?” Teddy mutters, rolling over and shoving his cold feet against James’ calves. “Why are you even in my bed?”

“I don’t know,” James replies, a hand pressed over his eyes. “Last I remember is that woman with the boobs. The really big ones. Her bra was polka dotty.”

“You’re polka dotty,” Teddy says, squinting open his eyes. James looks like he’d been hit with a truck - a weird colour to his skin in the half light coming from the window, his dark hair sticking up at odd angles and a harsh frown on his face. Teddy knows he probably doesn’t look any better. There’s a bra on the lamp next to the bed, not polka dot, and the bedroom door’s wide open.

“That doesn’t even make sense.” James lifts his hand from his eyes - slowly, one finger at a time - and tries to focus on Teddy. “You have a fucking post it note on your head, you dick,” he says, snatching the offending piece of yellow paper and blinking down at the curly handwriting.

“What does it say?” He wraps his arm over James’ shoulder, resolutely _not_ snuggling as he pushes his face onto James’ pillow. It’s comfier, he thinks to himself, and James is warm.

“‘You and James are the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen’,” James reads. “‘Considering you’re not actually a couple. Love, Sarah.’”

“What does that even mean? Who’s Sarah?”

“Fuck if I know,” James says. “Now shut up, I’m going back to sleep.”

♥

When they finally crawl out of bed, coffee in hands and cigarettes held tightly in mouths, they take one look at the living room and consider going straight back to bed. Teddy’s flat is, quite simply, a wreck. It looks like something has exploded, littering shrapnel of beer bottles and single crisps mashed into the carpet throughout. They find someone neither of them recognizes fast asleep in the bath tub, and another slumped against the fridge. James’ baby sister is asleep in the spare room, wearing nothing but a skirt and a feather boa.

“I think this why we banned parties last year,” Teddy says as he shovels rubbish into the biggest plastic bag they could find. “The whole cleaning business isn’t particularly fun.”

“We should hire a maid. _You_ should hire a maid. You’ve got enough money to. It’s not like you have to share it with anyone,” James says, looking up as Lily stumbles into the living room, fully dressed and somehow looking almost alive. She leans against the wall and watches as Teddy cleans and J ames sips at his coffee, tossing something into a plastic bag by his feet every time Teddy looks up.

“It’s for emergencies only,” Teddy mutters, before he looks up at Lily. “Happy birthday, Lil. You have a good party?”

“I don’t know,” Lily says, scratching at her head with a frown.

“Welcome to the world of being an adult,” James laughs, handing her his cup of coffee. “Don’t tell mum.”

“The last thing I remember is you two dancing together.” Lily takes a deep gulp of coffee before she sets down the mug on the window sill. “I best be off. I’ll tell mum you took me out for a nice dinner and I crashed on the sofa, or something.”

“Sounds good,” James says, avoiding the empty can being thrown at him by Teddy. “I’ll see you later.”

When the door closes behind Lily, James looks at Teddy. His nose is scrunched up, his hand picking at the stubble darkening his chin.

“Why the fuck were we dancing together?”

♥

“Merry Christmas, arsehole,” James says, dragging Teddy into a hug the minute the door opens. “Come on. we’re going out.”

“What?” Teddy says, trying to figure out why James is shoving him into his jacket. “It’s Christmas Eve. What the fuck?”

“It’s _tradition_ to turn up at my parents house for Christmas hungover, and it’s the first year Lily can join the tradition so _give me your bloody arms_.” James is slapping at him with the sleeves of his coat, the buttons catching at Teddy’s ears. “Nice hair, by the way, very festive.” It’s green, Teddy remembers. He doesn’t remember dying it, but he’s pretty sure James had something to do with it.

“Did you invite Albus?” Teddy asks, grabbing at his coat and pulling it on. “You should’ve invited Albus.”

“I did!” James says, tucking Teddy’s scarf around his neck. “He said he was busy. I bet he’s wanking to like, physics or something.”

“Be nice.” He lets James put his gloves on for him - just because he’s feeling kind of lazy and James seems happy to do it - before cuffing him over the back of his head. “He’s your brother.”

“He’s a total geek,” James says, and slams the front door behind him. Teddy’s pretty sure his keys were left on the hook, but he doesn’t get a chance to point out that fact because James is hooking their arms together and practically _skipping_ down the icy path. “Come on, Lily said she’s going to bring some of her friends. I bet they’re hot.”

“You’d be pissed if one of their brothers was thinking about Lily like that,” Teddy points out, and ignores the scathing look from James. “I’m just saying. Lily’s a pretty girl.”

“She’s my sister, Teddy, I’m allowed to hate anyone who even looks at her funny.” Teddy just rolls his eyes, drags James back a bit so he stops having to lumber after him. “Pretty sure it’s like, a law. Thou shall defend your baby sister’s morals and vagina.”

“She can defend herself,” Teddy says, and ignores the look again. 

“It’s a fucking law, Teddy,” James replies. “And you said you’re sick of picking me up from the police station.”

♥

Teddy has to admit that James was right about Lily’s friends. They _are_ beautiful, and they’ve got great personalities, but he also has to admit that he’s just not interested. James laughs at him when he says as much, but he stays in the booth with Teddy when the girls get up to dance.

“Do you think Sarah is the post it note Sarah?” James asks as he watches the women dancing together. He studiously avoids looking at Lily, who’s dancing with some guy and wearing ridiculous shoes, mostly because she’ll probably hit him if he says anything.

“What?” The beer tastes funny, Teddy thinks, and all the drinks have been dyed either red or green.

“Lily’s party,” James says. “The post it note on your forehead. From Sarah.”

“Maybe,” Teddy replies, with a shrug. “We should ask.”

“That would be weird.” James stretches and instead of putting his arms back on the table, he wraps one around Teddy’s shoulders. “It’s fucking cold in here.”

“Do you think we’re alcoholics?” Teddy asks, and doesn’t elbow James when he laughs. “I’m serious. I don’t know how much I’ve had to drink tonight.”

“You’re up to four pints,” James says. “And you’re twenty-eight and single, mate, of course you’re a bloody alcoholic. You have to be just to deal with my mum.”

“She’s going to ask if we’ve met any nice girls tomorrow, isn’t she?” Teddy says, and doesn’t groan, because Ginny is lovely and always _has_ been lovely, and practically treats him like a son.

“We could tell her about the redhead from the bar the other night,” James says, his fingers looping under the collar of Teddy’s shirt. “Well, leave out the sexy bit. Just say we met a nice girl who wanted us to fight for her.”

“I don’t think she’d appreciate it, James,” Teddy says, with a quirk of his eyebrow. “She already thinks we spend too much time together.”

“Well, I am four years younger than you, and you _are_ a bad influence.” He lifts his hand to wave at Lily, and doesn’t scowl at the guy she’s with. “Alcoholic, remember?”

“Fuck you, Potter,” Teddy mutters, and, in a very adult manner, sticks his tongue out at James. “That guy’s looking at Lily’s arse.”

“Fuck you, Lupin,” James replies. “I’ll kill him.” As Teddy stumbles out of the booth after James, he’s already mentally preparing a list of excuses to give to Ginny to explain her eldest son’s black eye without implicating himself.

♥

James doesn’t know when it happened, but it’s New Years Eve when he realizes he doesn’t care about people assuming he’s dating Teddy anymore.

“So, that guy with the green hair,” says the woman he’d be attempting to chat up. It hadn’t been going very far, but she had particularly nice legs. 

“Teddy,” James says with a nod, and is already digging in his pocket for his phone. It’s his _duty_ , he thinks, to tell Teddy when someone’s interested in him. 

“Right,” the woman nods, and James figures maybe he should ask her name. “He’s your boyfriend, right?” James’ hand stills in his pocket, and for a moment, he just stares across the room at Teddy, who’s spinning Lily around in some mental dance. Teddy glances up - just for a second - and catches his gaze and _grins_.

“Uh, no,” James says, with a smile. “Just my best friend.”

“Oh!” The woman says, her cheeks blushing a bright red. “I’m really sorry, it’s just, you guys are-”

“Strangely close?” The woman nods. “It’s not a problem, don’t worry about it,” James says, flashing the grin Teddy had once called his ‘sexy fishy’ grin before he glances at his watch. “Well, it’s nearly midnight,” he says, and the woman looks like she’s about to say something, but he’s already pushing through a group of people doing the macarena towards Teddy and Lily.

“Oh my God, Jamie,” Teddy says, as soon as James is within grabbing distance. His arms are already winding their way around James, pulling him into an awkward shuffle dance with Lily crammed between the two of them. “Imagine if we were wizards.”

“That’d be great,” James says, laughing as Lily tries to squirm away from Teddy and his octopus limbs. “How much have you had to drink, Ted?”

“Fuck if I know,” Teddy says, grabbing for Lily as she gets out of his grip. She laughs at him, slaps his hands away and laughs again when they wrap straight back around James’ arms. “You’re meant to count.”

“I’ve been trying to get laid, Teddy, but everyone thinks I’m gay for you,” James says, and tries not to think the way Teddy _giggles_ at that is adorable. 

“You’re totally gay for me, Jamie.” Teddy rests his head against James’ shoulder, sort of swaying entirely not to the beat of the music. “If you could, I bet you’d have my mpreg babies.”

“I don’t think I even want to know what that is,” James says, ignoring the way two of Lily’s friends are smiling at him and Teddy like they’re puppies or baby penguins or something. “But I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“It’s an internet thing, James, you weirdo. It’s when a guy has, has, another guys baby, and then sometimes it comes out of his arse and other times he grows a vagina and-”

“Where’s the womb though?” James says, his face scrunched up. Teddy pauses for a moment, stamps on James’ toes probably only half accidentally and shrugs.

“It’s the internet, James, there doesn’t have to be a womb.”

 

Teddy is still enforcing the half dancing when the count down starts. James tries to squirm away, out of the tight grip because sure, he loves Teddy, but he also loves New Years Eve and the free ticket to snog any hot girl you happen to be standing near. 

“Stay still, fuckface,” Teddy mutters and James sighs, resigning himself to the fact he’s going to ring in the new year with someone who is apparently an _octopus_ in his spare time.

“Five, four, three, two, one,” someone chants, obnoxiously close to James’ ear and before James can turn to them to glare or even mutter something to Teddy, he’s being pulled into a kiss. It’s not a bad kiss, it’s actually quite a good kiss, not too hard, but he can definietly feel it, not too sloppy, and the hands cupping his jaw are warm and gentle and - and rather _large_. His eyes snap open and oh shit, it’s Teddy kissing him and that means Teddy is the person James is _enjoying_ kissing.

“Happy ‘twenty seven,” Teddy says when he pulls away. He waves at Lily who’s _laughing_ and has her camera in her hands before patting James on the back. “Time for more alcohol, Jamie, I think.” 

James doesn’t move when Teddy wanders off. Instead, he stands right in his spot and very pointedly thinks about everything that’s not snogging Teddy.

♥

The TV is on, playing some boring rerun of a stupid reality show when James hears the front door creak open. He listens as it clicks close again, as Teddy swears about the tiny little hallway and, presumably, stumbles over the little table James keeps near the door. He doesn’t look away from the screen, even when he hears Teddy step into the room.

“James,” Teddy says, throwing his coat over James’ feet and sitting on the arm of the sofa. “We need to talk.”

“Fuck off, Ted, I’m having a pity party and you’re not invited,” James mutters, and takes a moment to appreciate the beauty of that sentence. He knows he’ll have to remember it for future use.

“I’m crashing it,” Teddy says, sighing as he lifts up James’ feet and sits on the couch. “James, we need to talk.”

“So talk,” James mutters, and watches as a man falls into a pond. “Nobody’s stopping you.”

“Look, I know that you’re upset right now-”

“I was dumped, Ted, of course I’m upset,” James says, scowling up at Teddy. He’s wearing his glasses, so he must have just come from work, but he’s got one of his favourite sweaters on - a little bit ratty and too long in the sleeves.

“You’ve been together a month, James. You only met her on New Years,” Teddy points out and okay, that’s complete rational but also very unfair, considering it’s a rule of best friendships to allow your best friend to mope, for at least a little bit.

“But she dumped me on _Valentine’s Day_ , Teddy,” James sighs, and finally sits up. He’s pulled into an awkward half hug, Teddy’s hand ruffling his hair.

“You don’t even like Valentine’s Day.”

“Shut the fuck up, Teddy,” James says, but there’s no venom in his voice, just a pain in his neck from the awkward position he’s being forced into.

“We need to talk,” Teddy says, and James is going to hit him if he says that again. “It’s about New Years, actually.”

“What about it?” Teddy finally lets go of James, lets him sit in a normal position that doesn’t feel like it’s going to break his neck. 

“Lily just sent me the photos she took.” Teddy pauses, looking at James like he’s trying to read his mind. James is too tired to play games so he just shrugs and gives Teddy a look that, hopefully, conveys ‘get the fuck on with it’. “Why didn’t you tell me we kissed?”

“If by that you mean ‘why didn’t you tell me I attacked your mouth with my tongue’, I didn’t think it was a big deal,” James says, with a shrug. “It was just a kiss, you were drunk.”

Teddy is silent for a moment, staring down at his hands as he folds them together and bends his fingers back. He’s nervous, James realizes, but he can’t figure out _why_ he would be.

“Look, I,” Teddy starts, before going quiet again. “Basically, um.” Another pause. “What if I didn’t kiss you because I was drunk?”

It’s James’ turn to be silent. He stares at Teddy for a moment, at his hair that’s not quite the right colour since he had to cover up the green, at his eyes that always seem to change colour in certain lights, at his too wide mouth and his eyebrows that kind of always make him look like he’s deep in thought. He looks at Teddy’s ugly sweater, at his _best bloody friend_ , and, just maybe, he realizes something he should have recognized a long time ago.

He’s never been good with expressing his feelings, plenty of his ex-girlfriends have told him as much, and at this point, he’s not really sure of his feelings. But he is kind of sure of one thing and he already knows that Lily would tell him to think it through first, but he’s never particularly liked to look before he leaps.

It’s a simple kiss, just as good as the first, but somehow better. The material of Teddy’s sweater brushes is soft against James’ skin as Teddy cups his jaw, and James doesn’t like to think about how tightly he’s gripping Teddy’s shoulders.

“Happy Valentine’s day, you fuck,” Teddy says when they move apart, still holding each other in a way that’ll make their shoulders hurt in a few hours. 

“Fuck you too,” James replies, and resolutely _doesn’t_ snuggle up against Teddy.


End file.
